He won’t be the only one…and neither will she.

Dearest daughter of mine,

I know you were angry with me yesterday when you couldn’t have one extra minute to play with your playground love. Not another hug or another kiss on the cheek. Not one more. We had to go, and you had already negotiated extra minutes with the object of your affection.

You stomped your feet, rolled around in the grass, didn’t want to take off your shoes to rid them of the sand. Your cheeks were flushed, though I’m sure that had more to do with the blistering heat than your little girl anger. You were pure sass…behavior I didn’t expect to see for at least another 7 or 8 years. You continued once I got you in the car, I threatened to take away privileges, lost my patience and closed the car door with more force than usual, and you threw a rare fit.

It didn’t last long, and once you calmed down, you told me that you were upset because the little love doesn’t play with you during the day time, but only when you’re together after school.  That’s why you wanted the extra time.

I explained to you that if someone only wants to play with you at certain times of the day, that’s okay, and that you could either go find some other friends to play with, but better yet, you could play with something you like on your own and then other littles who like those things will play with you too.

And that’s when you said those words that broke my heart.

“But I don’t want to be lonely!”

No one does, sweet girl. But let me tell you something.  A distraction is not the cure for loneliness.

He won’t be the only one you fancy. She won’t be the only one who likes what you like. What you don’t realize now, is all of those things that you like will change.  It’s the only constant in life, and I can only pray that once you leave my nest, you’ll be prepared to cope with it.

Because if he turns away from you, you’ll have to remember that what is inside you is more than enough.  You don’t need anyone else to validate your feelings. He won’t be the only one who can love you. You are love and will have that reflected upon you in spades.

When she no longer likes to play the games you like to play, it doesn’t mean you are deficient, in fact it’s not about you, and you’ll have to remember that too. You are a fun little monkey, and that will always keep you connected to other fun little monkeys.

If you ever feel lonely, it only means that you’ve forgotten what’s important to you, or that you know what those things are, but can’t tell the world around you what they are.  This might sound a little like psychobabble, and it is, but it’s also true. Ask me about Jung when you’re older.

In the meantime, let me help you remember what’s important.

If you find yourself alone and uncomfortable, sit with it.  Don’t run off to find someone to fill the void. Inside that void are all of the treasures you have inside you to share with the world.  Take the time to get to know who you are. Don’t compromise your core.

You can’t feel lonely if you like the person you’re with all the time, and that’s your beautiful little self.

Love you always and forever,


By Joy

I'm 42, a remarried mom of an 8 year old girl and a toddler son, a teacher, and a writer. People tell me I tend to be brutally honest and ...tell it like it is, so I had hoped to use this outlet to keep me sane while I got used to my new life as a stay-at-home Mom back when I was home with my daughter....it worked. And it's been therapeutic through the end of a marriage and the emergence of me...


  1. It hurt to read what she said, but your words were pure joy (pun intended). Here’s hoping she learns from her wise mama!

  2. This is so beautifully written! It’s such a hard lesion to learn. Some people never get it and live their lives constantly searching for someone else to do what they need to do themselves. These are very wise words and I hope that as your daughter grows up hearing them, she takes them to heart and lives by them.

  3. Ma Jesus joy incredible written and i feel same for ma princesss thy think when we parents tell them to do their lesson / stop playing we get upset on them but @ this time thy dont understand us and i do feel same like u but some time she comes & say mama u r right…………..

    Glad to stop by ur blog dearie i m thrilled to go through ur blog it’s a treasure to me have a blessed day ahead <3

  4. You are so right. It is vital to know yourself. In fact, each person’s best friend should be the face they look at in the mirror every morning when they are the only person in front of that mirror. In fact, if you don’t know who you are and/or don’t like who you are, that is a tragedy far more than a fleeting friendship with another person.

    If we don’t like something about another person, there isn’t much we can do about it other than talk to them. But when we don’t like an aspect of who we are, we are in charge. We can change who we are into someone we love and like who is our best friend.

    And I wonder if the generation growing up with iPod ear plugs always in and on—their heads filled with never ending noise and images (our 24 year old daughter works for a company developing a smart phone with holographic images)—-will they ever get a chance to even be introduced to who they are or will loneliness end up being the absence of all that sound/images crowding out their thoughts?

    1. Well-said yourself Lloyd, I literally just said something similar to another person… I had a lot of anxiety about making friends until I became my own best friend. Now extra friends are just that…extra! Nice to have, but really just icing on an already tasty cake. Thanks for coming by to visit and for your thoughtful comment.

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