Dearest daughter of mine,
I know you were angry with me yesterday when you couldn’t have one extra minute to play with your playground love. Not another hug or another kiss on the cheek. Not one more. We had to go, and you had already negotiated extra minutes with the object of your affection.
You stomped your feet, rolled around in the grass, didn’t want to take off your shoes to rid them of the sand. Your cheeks were flushed, though I’m sure that had more to do with the blistering heat than your little girl anger. You were pure sass…behavior I didn’t expect to see for at least another 7 or 8 years. You continued once I got you in the car, I threatened to take away privileges, lost my patience and closed the car door with more force than usual, and you threw a rare fit.
It didn’t last long, and once you calmed down, you told me that you were upset because the little love doesn’t play with you during the day time, but only when you’re together after school. That’s why you wanted the extra time.
I explained to you that if someone only wants to play with you at certain times of the day, that’s okay, and that you could either go find some other friends to play with, but better yet, you could play with something you like on your own and then other littles who like those things will play with you too.
And that’s when you said those words that broke my heart.
“But I don’t want to be lonely!”
No one does, sweet girl. But let me tell you something. A distraction is not the cure for loneliness.
He won’t be the only one you fancy. She won’t be the only one who likes what you like. What you don’t realize now, is all of those things that you like will change. It’s the only constant in life, and I can only pray that once you leave my nest, you’ll be prepared to cope with it.
Because if he turns away from you, you’ll have to remember that what is inside you is more than enough. You don’t need anyone else to validate your feelings. He won’t be the only one who can love you. You are love and will have that reflected upon you in spades.
When she no longer likes to play the games you like to play, it doesn’t mean you are deficient, in fact it’s not about you, and you’ll have to remember that too. You are a fun little monkey, and that will always keep you connected to other fun little monkeys.
If you ever feel lonely, it only means that you’ve forgotten what’s important to you, or that you know what those things are, but can’t tell the world around you what they are. This might sound a little like psychobabble, and it is, but it’s also true. Ask me about Jung when you’re older.
In the meantime, let me help you remember what’s important.
If you find yourself alone and uncomfortable, sit with it. Don’t run off to find someone to fill the void. Inside that void are all of the treasures you have inside you to share with the world. Take the time to get to know who you are. Don’t compromise your core.
You can’t feel lonely if you like the person you’re with all the time, and that’s your beautiful little self.
Love you always and forever,