The funny thing was, once that realization was made — the one that guaranteed the safety net had indeed been removed and free fall had begun, I was actually better equipped to find the footholds I needed to get out of the deep, dark well of the unknown. I know some might react by falling apart at this point, and I would never begrudge anyone who does, but I had been doing that all along. It was here that I found my bearings.
Even with the ground still rumbling beneath, a clear picture began to form. A plan for survival, and eventually, healing. I say plan, but I use that term loosely given I was flying by the seat of my pants. Sometimes there was a strange buzzing feeling just below my navel, like butterflies or first baby kicks — my Sacral Chakra was at full attention. At times I felt like I was a human cannonball, with my brain moving at speeds previously unparalleled. I was surviving on coffee and nervous energy, and for all I knew I was just having some strange reaction to caffeine. Other times, I felt weighed down, when I let the possible negative consequences of the decision to end my marriage get the upper hand. It’s when I started to focus on the possible positive consequences, that the ground began to settle.
I discovered that I might be happy, despite the sadness.
I discovered that I might be light, beyond the weighty decisions.
I rediscovered my creativity, independence, and strength.
I discovered resilience.
Note: This post is the follow-up assignment to Day Four of Writing 101, Class of June 2014