Today was the last day of my Spring Break. I’ve been very much looking forward to this portion of my previously scheduled vacation as it involved 8 whole hours to myself. I had big plans – to do absolutely NOTHING. In my house. In the quiet. And if any of you have been paying attention, this is a huge need for me as I’m a divorced mom of a preschooler whom I love to pieces, and talks or sings nonstop when she is home. I also have a partner (boyfriend? lover? these terms seem inadequate, and sometimes silly…let me know if you have any better options) with whom I share a home…not to mention, my day job is sharing an open work space with other educators and teenagers…so it is RARE that I get this opportunity for complete silence if I so choose.
You can imagine my dismay when I packed my little monkey up into the car this morning to drop her off at school and …my car doesn’t turn over. I tried again. Zilch. Again. Sputter. Again and again. I got her to turn over (yes, it’s a her and her name is Dolphi), but she shuddered and shook like someone dancing to Lou Bega’s Mambo No. 5 after too many beers at a extra-innings Dodger game (sounds random, but isn’t.)
I had to call my ex to come pick Maya up so she could get to school and thankfully he hadn’t yet left for work. We waited out front for him while I called AAA. I ran upstairs and threw what I thought I might need for a day at Pep Boys in the old diaper bag (now it’s just a black backpack…that I use sometimes…for whatever). Snack, water, iPad, ear buds, Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, TAP card in case I needed to bus it back…and I waited another 40 minutes for the tow, at which point the nice man told me that it was likely my battery, and he could tow it, but the battery service might suffice. Long story short, 2 hours later after I had hoped my day of solitude and silence to begin, I climbed up the stairs lamenting it was nearly half-over and I was starting it off annoyed.
But then, I stopped. I remembered the book I was reading (which so far talks about ego and how that is what feeds off conflict…not the core of you) and the things I like to remember about managing expectations. If I can’t control it, don’t have expectations about it. If it doesn’t go the way I want, relax. Breathe. Not that I can perfectly execute those things (clearly evident today), but I was aware of my reaction…and just that simple state of being aware made my attitude shift more quickly than it might usually. I came upstairs. I had that snack I packed in silence. I read a bit, meditated, took care of some things on my ongoing to-do list that have been there for a while. I tickled the ivories on Maya’s new 61-key Casio (just a little, I’m teaching myself) and I even managed to de-clutter my filing cabinet a bit.
It wasn’t how it was supposed to go, but I’m glad for the way it went.